preposterous flabbergasting things: Archive

14 tags

Do you believe in life after death? Formspring...

Beware, long. To be honest I don’t know, there are many things to consider. Life after death in a Christian sense? No. Oh LAWD please no. Heaven would be the lamest place in the universe.reunited with your family and friends…oh no. I have enough of them already. Reincarnation? I don’t know… The fact that humans are getting more and more makes this kinda...

Jan 1st

Dec 14th

80 notes

Dec 14th

458 notes

11 tags

Nov 21st

Wife listening to her husband talk to himself as...

James: Are they going to scream and cry like this every time Oprah shows them something?
James: Why are they crying? 
James: That bag looks like a piece of shit. What are those? Slippers?
James: I thought these shoes were custom made. How are they giving them out without knowing their sizes?
James: ♬ We're fat ladies dancing ♬
James: Oh My God.
James: "Oh mothafucka! A cashmere blanket? OH LAWD!"
 *he's quiet for 2 mins, I look over and he's asleep*
Kelly: You can't go to sleep
James: I can't watch this, how can they do this for a whole hour?
James: They should all have to wear the sweaters.
James: Gettin' it! Gettin' it! SOLD! Where's the fucking phone. I want that knife. Isn't that what this is? Get Oprah on the phone.
James: Now everyone gets macaroni and cheese. Gifts are degrading now, they got a $2000 watch 10 mins ago.
James: I hope you're writing this down Kelly. Ghirardelli's Brownie Mix. 
James: I'm calling my lawyer. Oprah was looking at me when she just said "You're all getting one"
James: All those ladies are like 'Who the fuck is Jay-Z'
James: "Oh muthafucka, that is some good macaroni and cheese."
James: That lady has no idea what Netflix is, she thinks she just won a movie studio. Look at her crying and making prayer hands!  It's $8 a month lady.
James: Did Oprah seriously just say 'my favorite workout pants'
James: Is this show live in Chicago? I wonder how many people got rolled for their stuff when they left. 
James: Well that was stupid.
Kelly: What was your favorite thing?
James: When it ended.